Nick's TOP 10 MOST DISTURBING DISNEY POSTERS!
10.) "The Shaggy Dog"
JESUS OF NAZARETH!! The first thing I thought when I saw this abomination was "Oh my GOD, Tim Allen's creepy photo-shopped dog eyes are gazing into my soul!" Seriously, stare at it long enough and you could swear the eyes start following you around when you move, like those head busts in the Haunted Mansion, but ten times more disturbing.
9.) "UP"
Now I know many may disagree with me on this one, what with "Up" being one of Pixar's most magical and heartwarming tales, but I can't help but feel a little uncomfortable when I look at this very minimalist depiction of a floating, seemingly empty house, drifting away into the endless void of clouds, never to be seen again. For reference, take a look at what a few slight alterations do to this seemingly peaceful poster:
Not so peaceful and cuddly now, is it?
8.) "Beverly Hills Chihuahua"
Now just for the record, I'd like to point out that the file name for this particular poster was "slashfilmdisney". For those of you who don't know shit about film genres, the "Slasher Film" genre is the one that features lots of stabbing and killing and murdering. Just thought that was interesting.
As for the actual content of the poster, there actually isn't a whole lot wrong with this one, that is if you discount the hordes of ritualistic Chihuahuas bearing torches behind the two apparant "victims" of the ceremony. But what really sold it for me on this one, was its blatantly disturbing tagline:
Now THAT sent some shivers up my spine. What the hell is that supposed to mean? To imply that there's going to be some sort of uprising against mankind, led by the world's smallest and most edible dogs? I don't think I want to know.
7.) "Hannah Montana Concert 3D Thingy"
Aside from Miley Cyrus's presence on the poster, this one too, seems rather innocent. Upon closer inspection however, I noticed something odd about one of the audience members. Looking at the audience member directly beneath Miley's pop-star kneecaps, we notice a few things about this person:
1. He is a dude.
What the hell is a fully-grown man doing at a Hannah Montana Concert? A place that is undoubtedly full of young, under-age girls with too much soda in their system? With this information, we can only conclude that..
2. He is a pervert.
The only explanation for a grown man's presence at a Hannah Montana concert. Continuing along this string of logic, we notice that his fingers are pointing in such a way, that it almost appears like...
3. He's measuring the size of Miley's Popstar Waist.
What else could he be doing with his fingers protruded like that if he's not mentally measuring the size of his next victim's waist? Perhaps I read too much into things, but if I'm not, then this is sheer proof of Disney's secret motivation to sell to the pervert demographic.
6.) "Herbie: Fully Loaded"
Perhaps it's just me, but the thought of a smiling, wide-eyed Bug pouncing towards me at full speed, does not sit well with me. In fact, it scares the living hell out of me. In many ways, this poster reminds me of another, similarly themed horror movie poster.
Looks like pleasant family fun doesn't it? Take note Disney: Don't steal ideas from crappy horror flicks from the 80's.
5.) "Aladdin"
At first, this one simply looks very pretty. It's artistic, minimalistic, everything you could want from a poster. It simply captures the magical essence of Disney, doesn't it? Ah yes..the magic of...
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT COMING OUT OF THE LAMP?
Upon closer inspection, we see some sort of face within the glowy mass coming out of the magic lamp. Here I upped the contrast a bit so you can see it better, but if you still can't see it, I'll outline it for you in red ink:
Now that's messed up. Am I crazy, or does that look like a freaking tortured soul coming out of that lamp? Perhaps the remnants of a wish gone wrong perhaps? Maybe it's symbolic of the lamp user's impending doom? Whatever the case, it's damn freaky.
4.) "Peter Pan"
Perhaps it's just that this poster happens to be really old and yellow-looking due to it's age that gives off the creepy vibe, but after gazing at it blankly for a while, I realized it must have been the look on Peter's face that really did it.
Aside from having very little in common with his on-screen counterpart, something about Poster-Pan's face here reminds me of those old creepy porcelain dolls my Grandma used to have on her shelves. Those cold, lifeless eyes and that stiff, unmoving smile, it's all there. What's more is that his right eye (or from our point of view, his left) appears to be bleeding out of his pupil. That's one little boy you don't wanna go to Never-land with.
3.) "Fantasia"
Another oldie yes, but this one is special because it advertises not only Disney's biggest film, but also its most bizarre. Without any prior context, if I had seen this poster in a lobby, the first thought to my head would be quite simply: "What the hell?"
I mean, what IS that weird fruit bird thingy anyway? And why does it have ballet shoes on? And why is it looking at Mickey Mouse as if it is going to, at any second, without warning, devour him whole? Don't even get me started on the weird mushroom things at her feet, 'cause I'm gonna have nightmares about this poster tonight.
2.) "Mars Needs Moms"
After recovering from it's agonizingly painful tag-line, one only needs to glance at this poster to realize what a freaky trip into hell this movie appears to be. I mean, they basically took the visuals right off of the "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" creepy kid scene, (A film that's pretty creepy and weird in its own right) and just inserted in some Uncanny Valley CGI actors. Here's the aforementioned scene and CGI actors for reference to what the hell I'm talking about.
And now for the star of "Mars Needs Moms", a digitized child version of Seth Green's face!
He's watching you..... CGI Seth Green is always watching....
1.) "The Adventures of Pinocchio"
Okay, so to be fair, this one isn't actually made by Disney. But it's my theory that this demonic piece of so-called "children's entertainment" would have never come into existence had Disney not made their mark on the classic tale themselves first. So I'm counting this purely on a technical basis.
Well that, and also because this one takes absoultely no stretch of the imagination to see why it's disturbing. I mean, LOOK AT HIM. How could anyone in their right mind not find that wooden abomination disturbing? To further emphasize my point, the remainder of this article will be pictures of the wooden freak along with my helpful commentary
JESUS OF NAZARETH!!
GREAT TOASTED BREAD IN THE SKY!!
GAHH! THE CRICKET MAKES IT EVEN WORSE!!
...And with THAT image left fresh in your mind, I bid you all good day and good night.
Nice!
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