Hitler vs. Mickey Mouse

Today has been incredibly boring and exhausting, so I do believe it's about time I let my imagination run free and write about something a little less mentally straining than some of my other posts. So....

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH?

ADOLF HITLER                                               OR                                             MICKEY MOUSE?

Let's find out!

CHALLENGE 1: Leadership Abilities

   ADOLF HITLER:                                                                                  MICKEY MOUSE:

  Led an army of Nazis and took over                                             Led an army of animators and

  various European countries.                                                     took over nearly the entire world.

WINNER: Mickey Mouse.

Sure maybe Hitler led massive armies and took over nearly all of Europe, but Mickey and his army of followers took over the goddamn world.  Not to mention while Mickey's army continually grows, Hitler's army barely makes the papers these days.

CHALLENGE 2:  Most Evil Deed

ADOLF HITLER:                                                                                        MICKEY MOUSE:

The Freakin' Holocaust.                                                                     The Freakin' Disney Channel.

WINNER: Adolf Hitler.

Mickey may have created one of the most fiendish, corrupting television channels of all time, but Hitler's plan to create a "perfect race" of Aryans by systematically killing all Jews in the world is pretty goddamn evil even by Disney standards.

CHALLENGE 3: Lifespans.

ADOLF HITLER:                                                                                      MICKEY MOUSE:

56 years and then suicide.                                                                        83 years and counting.

WINNER: Mickey Mouse.

Granted, Mickey would normally get this one automatically for simply being a fictional character, but I'm not kidding when I say this mouse is freaking IMMORTAL.  This little dude outlives even most characters from his own field.  Remember Felix the Cat?  No?  That's because Felix the Cat has been dead for nearly 60 years.  His replacement?  The immortalized Mickey Mouse.  'Nuff said.

CHALLENGE 4: Style.

ADOLF HITLER:                                                                                         MICKEY MOUSE:

Sports a black emo haircut,                                                                  Sports an obnoxious smile,

a wee little 'stache, and                                                                           two gigantic ears, and

a Nazi uniform.                                                                                        a pair of red overalls.

WINNER: Neither.

Dressing up as either of these two characters always earns you a firm slap in the face at any costume party.  Seeing as how their both totally lacking in the style department, neither of these guys win this award.  Seriously Mickey, get a new pair of overalls already.  God only knows what kind of stench has built up in there over all these years.

And the Winner is....

MICKEY MOUSE!

Ah yes, so the rodent beats out the German dictator after all.  Who woulda thunk?  Well I would have thunk it actually, since I wrote the article and all, but whatever.  Since there was really only like, three actual challenges for both parties to face, and Mickey beat the mustached man two-to-three.  So there ya have it.  

Not entirely sure what this means though.  Does this mean that since Mickey kicked Hitler's ass, that he's therefore more evil than Hitler?  After all, no one really wound up kicking Hitler's ass in the real world anyway, since Hitler decided to take it like a wuss and shoot himself before anyone got the chance to.  So since I'm at a lack for reasoning, let's just say that this makes Mickey slightly more bad-ass than the pussy Hitler was.  Which I guess is kind of a compliment, in a stupid, nonsensical sort of way I suppose.

Whatever, Mickey wins.  I'm tired.  Have a good day folks.